And no, I'm not saying intimate relationships. Its just, relationships in general suck. It seems like I always get into 'relationships', good relationships, but I cant seem to keep them. Once I get to the point where a relationship is going well it seems like I lose track of that person...ultimately losing that persons friendship. I start making excuses for why I cant call that person, or hang out with that person. Maybe it's a defect I have. Maybe I shove people away because I'm too insecure with myself. I know a lot of people are insecure, but is it a problem if that insecurity prevents deep and trusting relationships? Because whether I like it or not, I trust no one. Not even my closest family members. I do blame most of it on my upbringing. I was brought up being told that everyone has an angle to everything. That everyone is just using you for something. And yes, I agree that some people are like that, but a lot are not. You just have to be careful. But that's just it, I'm not careful. I let people think I love being their friend...then bam, all these insecurities hit and I push them away from me. I wish I knew how to change it. It is even worse with intimate relationships. Every time a guy comes into my life, a guy I like, and could see myself dating, all these fears and doubts come up. I don't know, me writing this is mainly because Ive lost touch with a girl who I considered my best friend. And I'm not sure how to regain that friendship now.